RSS
 

Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Two weeks off.

17 Jun

I’ve been at my new job for only 2 weeks so far, and already I have 2 weeks off. They do it because you cannot take any time off during calving except for the 2days off every 8 days, someone dies, or you are about to die yourself. :P

I am extremely thankful for these 2 weeks off, as my time off from my last job didn’t feel like a “Holiday” because all I did was stress, cry and be angry.

So this month, from the 26th to the 5th, I am visiting my mum & sister in Hastings! I’m really excited! It only cost $68 return to get from Christchurch to Wellington, where my mum will pick me up and drive me to Hastings (Hastings isn’t a main flight center, so it’s expensive to fly to)). This trip is a surprise for my sister, I’m not telling her :P She’ll be so happy to see me. I intend to take her to Shrek4 for her birthday, I may also take her shopping or out for a nice lunch. She’s only 13 so I can’t take her make-up shopping or anything silly like that. Plus, like me, she’s not girlie girl.

I’m still undecided about what to do from the 5th – 10th. I’ve finally gotten Jared to somewhat agree to go to Hanmer Springs, he’s finally got his restricted licence so he can how drive, now all he needs is a car. So if we go up, we’d drive seaperatly. Because his parents like to agree with law. :P

I’ve been wanting to go to Hanmer Springs for the past year1. And this would knock off one of my goals on my last blog. I just need to relax, chill out, and be stress free. It’ll be nice to be with Jared, I know this sounds lame but I still fully wanna cook for him! It’ll be nice to do it in a motel. Then swim in heated pools. Bah. I can’t get to excited, because he may not get a car this weekend. :O/ Fingers crossed.

Btw I’ve started using Pro Active, I haven’t noticed a huge difference in my skin, then again, I don’t have a shit load of pimples. Bah. It feels wrong putting all those chemicals on my face. But I decided I better do something about my skin. I’ll let everyone know how it goes.. It’s not exactly fucking cheap.

  1. Ever since I’ve been in Chch and HEARD about the place [↩]
 
3 Comments

Posted in Beauty, Life, Love, Work, family

 

An update

16 Mar

Well, Friday was the day I’d been dreeding all week. The day I would meet up with Jared and talk things through, I knew it needed to be done. But it was going to be so hard. I didn’t want to let go. But I thought it was for the best.

I’ll skip past the boring bits of where we met etc. But we eventually ended up in my car. I pretty much broke down within the first 5 minutes, and he comforted me straight away. There are issues on both our ends which we must fix;

My depression has a lot to do with this “Break”, as I feel that I need him more, which I can’t have, and therefore I thought we should break it off so I wouldn’t need him1. Anyhow things we must fix;

My depression stems from my job. If you back-read some posts you’ll understand why. In a nut shell I feel I’m not learning, and the bosses are Afrikaans, and they act like they are still in South Africa. So, I’m over worked and under paid2, first things first is to get out of my job and into a new one.

My education I feel I’m not learning here, plus I need to get UE, I need a new job or some time off so I can study towards it. it’s not hard, but it’s making me very un-happy and contributing towards my angry-ness. Plus I need an education if I want any sort of future with Jared.

My cleaning skills or… lack of. My house is a mess usually. I’ve actually cleaned it up yesterday a little. But part of the deal with Jared even contemplating staying here is that I must clean my house, and keep it clean. Which is fair enough! The thing with depression though, is that when you’re down, you really can’t be screwed doing anything. Everything brings me down. However, yesterday I was in an OK mood after seeing Jared for breakfast, so I came home and cleaned a little. Encouraging no?

He needs a licence so he can come and visit me instead of relying on his parents. Part of the issue is that I want a “adult relationship”. I don’t want sex, I know this sounds funny, but I want to cook for him, and wake up next to him. He needs a licence so he can come on his own terms.

We need to sit and talk to his parents and show them how mature we are. We’ve been together two years now, I want him to stay. I want to be able to sleep in the same bed. I want to do girlfriend things for him! It’s driving me insane. And it’s part of the “Break” because I want him here, but I can’t have him. So ya, we have to sit and talk to them.

He’s quitting WoW and I didn’t ask him to. In fact I thought that was a little too far, but obviously this shows how much he wants be back if he’s willing to quit this stupid game. However he doesn’t really have another hobby. Well, coding… but he’s going to be busy doing that in school, I doubt he’ll want to come home and do it for fun. There needs to be an outlet somewhere for him to have time.

I need a hobby like making websites etc again. Even though that was ages ago and they where lame. I need to take my mind off things again. He said I could even start doing “graphics” again. OH YEAH! Smexy hawt celeb “edited” images. Nice idea baby, but no. >.< So Idk, I’ll take up reading again or something.

So when we get these things sorted, or semi sorted at lest, then we can be OK again. Well, we’re OK right now, we’re just not “together”. And I feel happy about it. I think taking this break is a good thing. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because he shows in text how much he wants to see me, “When can I see you next? On your time off I hope?“. It makes me happy to think he wants to be with me.

Argh, now I must clean my house.

  1. Dumb idea I know, but that was my logic [↩]
  2. I’m getting way below minimum wage [↩]
 
2 Comments

Posted in Life, Love

 

Anti – Social Queen.

04 Feb

Have you ever been invited to a birthday for a friend, and just not felt the need to go? Maybe you’re feeling low that week, maybe she / he has done something to upset you and you just don’t feel like being in this persons presence? Or maybe, just maybe, you’re me.

Of course you are not me. Because I am.1 But I think I have a serious issue. I’m not sure how it’s come about. I have my theories. The problem however? Yes.. Well;

I don’t like being around other people in a social situation. I do it to “keep up appearances”. Yes I’m being serious. I guess this is the issue as to why I don’t have many IRL friends. However, when I do, that’s when I enjoy going out. I’ve only ever had “Close friends”. I’ve never been a person with more then 8 friends at a time. Sure theres the people I’ll talk to some times on MSN, only because they message me first. But I do not enjoy the company of anyone else other then my boyfriend, his parents, my mums family, and my dads family..

Except…

I don’t like spending much time with my father. Yeah. Welcome to Surroundedbygrass, the honesty cronicles of Jana You-can’t-have-my-last-name. He ends up criticizing me. Putting me down, and making me feel used.

So why bring this anti – social ness up?

I’m hopefully going to my aunts 40th birthday, hopefully meaning if my bosses give me time off. At the moment I doubt it. Even though I’m entitled to it2.

However, I have some other type of problem that prevents me from wanting to be there. I have noticed this to be a common occurrence when deciding if  I want to go out or not. Aside from my dad being there and there being lots of people I’ve never meet. (Other then this, and the next reason, I’m more then happy.. )

My boyfriend. Yeah. Pretty low. But he’s not coming. He’s been invited, but he can’t afford it, plus he starts Uni that week & it’s a bit up in the air when I’m coming back. So it’s best he stays. The thing is, I work 11 on 3 off. I want to see him.

If I do get the time off, then I said I would come back to work on the Wednesday . I would like Fri – Tue off, usually I get every 2nd Mon, Tue, Wed off. The dates I want to go turns out to be the weekend before my time off. So I said I’d move my time off to those dates, or I’d use my days-in-lou and work on the Wednesday. Confussing?

It’s an 8.5+  hour drive to where I want to go, that will take me all day. I would like to leave on Friday, get there Saturday morning, (I must boat there, I’m not sure where then last boat leaves). Leave Monday and hopefully drive all the way home and have Tuesday as my day to calm down from driving for 8 hours. Or, in other words, to visit my boyfriend.

I know it’s pretty selfish not wanting to go to a family members birthday because I won’t get to spend any time with my boyfriend. It’s very.. teenage-ish. I mean, I hardly see these people! But why do I really stoop so low as to think about the time I’ll spend with my boyfriend before I say yes or no? Pathetic? What if I say I know what they’re all going to do? Get drunk, stonned, make fools of themselves. Does that help my defense? I’d rather spend 3 days with Jared then wittness the drunken antics of family?

H0wever, I’m not sure if I’m being selfish towards work when it comes to the time off.. If anyone knew how much work I’ve done for my bosses, then I’m sure you’d agree that I’m not. Infact, lets list a few things;

  1. Worked 2 months straight during calving. Then I had 4 days off ALL UP3 after the 2 months for a formal, a wedding, and a funeral. Then worked another few weeks before my official “3 days off, 11 on” started.
  2. I’m not doing the qualification I want to because my boss is to “Tired”. Ye. Have I complained? No.
  3. I’ve stayed at work 3 days + where I have been sick. Running out of the shed vomiting, barely being able to stand up straight, feeling dizzy. Have I complained? No.
  4. I’ve taken ONE SICK DAY. And you know what I did? Drove myself to the doctor to get a medical certificate, came home and curled up in bed. I still felt ill the next day. So I guess that’s FOUR days I’ve worked ill.
  5. They speak Afrikaans. When I’m around.. When I’m not around. It pisses me off. They’re in a ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY. Share the fucking joke, or don’t laugh. I put up with it though don’t I. As much as I want to yell “CAN YOU SPEAK ENGLISH IN MY PRESENCE???”
  6. For around 2+months when we started milking, we where getting out of the shed at 7pm if not later. Often much later. My contract clearly states 6pm or its over time. Has anything been said? No. Did I mind? Not until now.
  7. The ex-co-worker and I figured out that we don’t get paid any where near as much as we should if we where paid hourly. But I’m on a sallery. What can I say?

Those are the reasons why they should say yes. Unpaid, over worked, annoyed, not getting qualifications. If they say no. I’m really going to start looking for another job.

  1. No shit.. [↩]
  2. Worked 3 public holidays, instead of being paid double, we get TWO days in lou each time, so 6 days off I’m entitled to [↩]
  3. As in, not all in one go [↩]
 
3 Comments

Posted in Fml, Life, Love, family