SurroundedByGrass.

Well, Friday was the day I’d been dreeding all week. The day I would meet up with Jared and talk things through, I knew it needed to be done. But it was going to be so hard. I didn’t want to let go. But I thought it was for the best.

I’ll skip past the boring bits of where we met etc. But we eventually ended up in my car. I pretty much broke down within the first 5 minutes, and he comforted me straight away. There are issues on both our ends which we must fix;

My depression has a lot to do with this “Break”, as I feel that I need him more, which I can’t have, and therefore I thought we should break it off so I wouldn’t need him¹. Anyhow things we must fix;

My depression stems from my job. If you back-read some posts you’ll understand why. In a nut shell I feel I’m not learning, and the bosses are Afrikaans, and they act like they are still in South Africa. So, I’m over worked and under paid², first things first is to get out of my job and into a new one.

My education I feel I’m not learning here, plus I need to get UE, I need a new job or some time off so I can study towards it. it’s not hard, but it’s making me very un-happy and contributing towards my angry-ness. Plus I need an education if I want any sort of future with Jared.

My cleaning skills or… lack of. My house is a mess usually. I’ve actually cleaned it up yesterday a little. But part of the deal with Jared even contemplating staying here is that I must clean my house, and keep it clean. Which is fair enough! The thing with depression though, is that when you’re down, you really can’t be screwed doing anything. Everything brings me down. However, yesterday I was in an OK mood after seeing Jared for breakfast, so I came home and cleaned a little. Encouraging no?

He needs a licence so he can come and visit me instead of relying on his parents. Part of the issue is that I want a “adult relationship”. I don’t want sex, I know this sounds funny, but I want to cook for him, and wake up next to him. He needs a licence so he can come on his own terms.

We need to sit and talk to his parents and show them how mature we are. We’ve been together two years now, I want him to stay. I want to be able to sleep in the same bed. I want to do girlfriend things for him! It’s driving me insane. And it’s part of the “Break” because I want him here, but I can’t have him. So ya, we have to sit and talk to them.

He’s quitting WoW and I didn’t ask him to. In fact I thought that was a little too far, but obviously this shows how much he wants be back if he’s willing to quit this stupid game. However he doesn’t really have another hobby. Well, coding… but he’s going to be busy doing that in school, I doubt he’ll want to come home and do it for fun. There needs to be an outlet somewhere for him to have time.

I need a hobby like making websites etc again. Even though that was ages ago and they where lame. I need to take my mind off things again. He said I could even start doing “graphics” again. OH YEAH! Smexy hawt celeb “edited” images. Nice idea baby, but no. So Idk, I’ll take up reading again or something.

So when we get these things sorted, or semi sorted at lest, then we can be OK again. Well, we’re OK right now, we’re just not “together”. And I feel happy about it. I think taking this break is a good thing. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because he shows in text how much he wants to see me, “When can I see you next? On your time off I hope?“. It makes me happy to think he wants to be with me.

Argh, now I must clean my house.

1. Dumb idea I know, but that was my logic [↩]
2. I’m getting way below minimum wage [↩]

No related posts.