Sleeping all day; not going to school because I always felt ill; failing Level 1 NCEA because I was never at school, and not caring.
Those are the things which happened to me a few years ago. I moved town, started a new school1 and I hated it. To the point I became depressed. I don’t mean “OMG I’m an emo I’m going to wear black and listen to homo music”. I mean I was on anti-depressants,2 I didn’t see the point in a lot of things, (Hence why I failed Level 1, because I just didn’t understand how the elephant we had to write about for English was going to help in any way towards my future.), I hardly ate, I hung out with my mates, but didn’t really enjoy it, and no matter how much sleep I got, I would actually fall asleep during class because I could not, litterly, keep my eyes open.
The fighting with my mother got worse, and soon, sleep became something I would rather be doing as well as the only thing I could do.
I was also sick, all the time. Personally I think it was a sub-concious thought that told my body “You can’t do this, stay home sick” so my body would ache, I would vomit, have major head issues, and blah. We did blood tests, scans, all sorts. Nothing came of it. I put it down to the fact I was depressed, and I hated that school with a passion.3
And you know what? I think it’s coming back. Well, the depression anyway. Hopefully not the sickness because I like my job. Although I think this time around, my job may just be whats causing it. If you read my last post, I listed all the things I’ve *done* on this farm over these 7 months. All of which I thought added up to being allowed time off (And ofc the fact I have 8 days in-lou as of Saturday). Apparently not.
Not only am I not allowed to go away for 6 days (3 of which would of been days in-lou, the other 3 would of been my actual “Weekend”), but I’m not allowed to do my AgIto course I need to get a qulification. So I must do that by corrospodence. And you know what they’ll turn around and say next? “Oh, you can do that course in your off time, because you don’t have to clean your house or visit people who you never see or do things like pay bills, go shopping, wash clothes or anything like that. So you can just do it on your regular *weekend*”
So you know what? I’m looking for a new job. I am not appreciated enough here.4. The new job I am looking for will start next season5 and will encourage AgIto, They will not be South African6 and I will not settle for anything under 32grand. (I worked it out, 30grand / year doesn’t even add up to minimum wage per hour, but I’m on a salary, so I can’t do anything about it)
So that’s why I beleve I’m getting depressed again. Oh, and my boyfriend still won’t get off his computer when I call him. I’m kinda over it now. I’m not calling him again. Ever.
- All girls ftl [↩]
- Which i don’t really think worked [↩]
- Btw I used to really love school before I moved. [↩]
- If you don’t agree, I really recommend you read my last post [↩]
- 1st June [↩]
- Well, these bosses anyhow, sometimes forget they’re not in their home land [↩]
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Comments (4)
Wow. This is a blog entry I could have very well written myself at your age. I’d had clinically diagnosed depression since the age of four, but I had learnt to deal with it pretty well. But it came back with a vengeance when I moved from Whangarei to Te Awamutu. The small-town people couldn’t handle how different I was, so they made me an outcast and I ended up in a mental health ward for three months. I recommend that if you’re beginning to feel depressed again, do something about it now rather than when it hits you hard.
I also understand how you feel unappreciated by your bosses. My dad has been mucked around by his bosses I don’t know how many times and it has made it really hard for him to progress any further in his career. Yet they all give him excellent references when he decides to leave and find something better. I really hope you end up with a better job than you have now. There’s really nothing worse than working your ass off for nothing!
I really hope you get the new job! You deserve better <3
Same here. Was depressed since I was about thirteen and my two best friends moved a hundred miles away (at the same time no less) and after that I kinda just shut down. I was always a shy kid and so being alone didn’t do me any favours. I didn’t really care about school and I soon discovered that I could get mum to let me stay home if I wined and moaned enough. On average, by the time I was fifteen, I was taking two or three days off a week. To tell the truth during my time in school I never really knew what ncea was, just that I was expected to get it. No one told me and I didn’t care to ask.
After I left school at seventeen (having just failed ncea 1 and barely started 2) I spent all my time hidden away in my room, staying up all night and sleeping in all day, playing video games and doing anything I could think of to distract myself from the person I had become.
So I’m nineteen now and I’m alot better, still afraid and still want to just forget everything and disappear again, but I think as long as I keep moving forward and doing things with other people I should be ok.
What I wanted to ask was if anyone knew if it’s too late to go back and complete ncea? I’ve still got no idea what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, but I know that I don’t want to work at a gass station or a mac donalds until I grow old. Should I call a school and ask?- I know that that’s the most obvious solution but I’m still very confrontation shy and don’t like telephones.
Help would be appreciated.
To answer your question, yes you can still complete NCEA. You have many options.
Personally, I went through the correspondence school, it’s not free for you anymore because you are 19, it’s 100$ per subject per year. Which is still cheap! It takes real determination to do it though. I did it for about a year before I stopped. I only stopped because I got a full time job in my “dream job”.
You can go back to school, I have a few friends who went back, they seemed happier the second time around! Or do some night courses / free courses. Or go through WINZ, I think they have courses for people who don’t have the best education. It’s not NCEA, but it gives you qualifications to be able to get jobs etc.
You can do a “Foundation course” which is what I’m (hopfully) about to do. Basicly it’s at a Uni or Tech, and it gives you what you need to get into Uni or Tech. So… It’ll teach you how to write essays, teach you maths, english.. etc. Like this one I hope to take http://www.cbe.canterbury.ac.nz/bridging/cup. Most Unis or techs offer them. (except Wikato I’ve been told). You can also get ones taliored to what you want to study at Uni. EG: There is a Pre-Health program at CPIT (Canterbury tech), they teach you what you need to sucseed at Uni (essays, studying etc) plus bio / chem / physics which is needed for the Bachelor of Nursing.
Gah. I hope I’m not confusing you! My head is mess lately. Trying to decide what I want to study! It’s a hard choice!
Are you still in contact with your friends? I have lost contact with a lot of my friends over the years. It sucks.
Because it’s hard to find people I trust.
Where abouts in NZ are you?