SurroundedByGrass.

Have you ever been invited to a birthday for a friend, and just not felt the need to go? Maybe you’re feeling low that week, maybe she / he has done something to upset you and you just don’t feel like being in this persons presence? Or maybe, just maybe, you’re me.

Of course you are not me. Because I am.¹ But I think I have a serious issue. I’m not sure how it’s come about. I have my theories. The problem however? Yes.. Well;

I don’t like being around other people in a social situation. I do it to “keep up appearances”. Yes I’m being serious. I guess this is the issue as to why I don’t have many IRL friends. However, when I do, that’s when I enjoy going out. I’ve only ever had “Close friends”. I’ve never been a person with more then 8 friends at a time. Sure theres the people I’ll talk to some times on MSN, only because they message me first. But I do not enjoy the company of anyone else other then my boyfriend, his parents, my mums family, and my dads family..

Except…

I don’t like spending much time with my father. Yeah. Welcome to Surroundedbygrass, the honesty cronicles of Jana You-can’t-have-my-last-name. He ends up criticizing me. Putting me down, and making me feel used.

So why bring this anti – social ness up?

I’m hopefully going to my aunts 40th birthday, hopefully meaning if my bosses give me time off. At the moment I doubt it. Even though I’m entitled to it².

However, I have some other type of problem that prevents me from wanting to be there. I have noticed this to be a common occurrence when deciding if  I want to go out or not. Aside from my dad being there and there being lots of people I’ve never meet. (Other then this, and the next reason, I’m more then happy.. )

My boyfriend. Yeah. Pretty low. But he’s not coming. He’s been invited, but he can’t afford it, plus he starts Uni that week & it’s a bit up in the air when I’m coming back. So it’s best he stays. The thing is, I work 11 on 3 off. I want to see him.

If I do get the time off, then I said I would come back to work on the Wednesday . I would like Fri – Tue off, usually I get every 2nd Mon, Tue, Wed off. The dates I want to go turns out to be the weekend before my time off. So I said I’d move my time off to those dates, or I’d use my days-in-lou and work on the Wednesday. Confussing?

It’s an 8.5+  hour drive to where I want to go, that will take me all day. I would like to leave on Friday, get there Saturday morning, (I must boat there, I’m not sure where then last boat leaves). Leave Monday and hopefully drive all the way home and have Tuesday as my day to calm down from driving for 8 hours. Or, in other words, to visit my boyfriend.

I know it’s pretty selfish not wanting to go to a family members birthday because I won’t get to spend any time with my boyfriend. It’s very.. teenage-ish. I mean, I hardly see these people! But why do I really stoop so low as to think about the time I’ll spend with my boyfriend before I say yes or no? Pathetic? What if I say I know what they’re all going to do? Get drunk, stonned, make fools of themselves. Does that help my defense? I’d rather spend 3 days with Jared then wittness the drunken antics of family?

H0wever, I’m not sure if I’m being selfish towards work when it comes to the time off.. If anyone knew how much work I’ve done for my bosses, then I’m sure you’d agree that I’m not. Infact, lets list a few things;

1. Worked 2 months straight during calving. Then I had 4 days off ALL UP³ after the 2 months for a formal, a wedding, and a funeral. Then worked another few weeks before my official “3 days off, 11 on” started.
2. I’m not doing the qualification I want to because my boss is to “Tired”. Ye. Have I complained? No.
3. I’ve stayed at work 3 days + where I have been sick. Running out of the shed vomiting, barely being able to stand up straight, feeling dizzy. Have I complained? No.
4. I’ve taken ONE SICK DAY. And you know what I did? Drove myself to the doctor to get a medical certificate, came home and curled up in bed. I still felt ill the next day. So I guess that’s FOUR days I’ve worked ill.
5. They speak Afrikaans. When I’m around.. When I’m not around. It pisses me off. They’re in a ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY. Share the fucking joke, or don’t laugh. I put up with it though don’t I. As much as I want to yell “CAN YOU SPEAK ENGLISH IN MY PRESENCE???”
6. For around 2+months when we started milking, we where getting out of the shed at 7pm if not later. Often much later. My contract clearly states 6pm or its over time. Has anything been said? No. Did I mind? Not until now.
7. The ex-co-worker and I figured out that we don’t get paid any where near as much as we should if we where paid hourly. But I’m on a sallery. What can I say?

Those are the reasons why they should say yes. Unpaid, over worked, annoyed, not getting qualifications. If they say no. I’m really going to start looking for another job.

1. No shit.. [↩]
2. Worked 3 public holidays, instead of being paid double, we get TWO days in lou each time, so 6 days off I’m entitled to [↩]
3. As in, not all in one go [↩]

Filed under: Fml, Life, Love, family by Jana